Comfort, intimacy, and connectivity are luxuries that we have all been forced to pause enjoying in the past year. Along with many traumatic events overlapping, we have all had to adapt in a world with fear and caution. A few of us have been lucky to have had the support needed through this troubling period, while some others still struggle alone, isolated with little to no choice.
Stability is imperative to our ability to solve and ration our emotions in many situations. When that foundation, that core, our grounds become shaky, we are clouded plentiful by doubt and rescind our commitment towards our logical abode.
I so happened to be one of those people who were shook.
My thoughts contained bellic episodes of lives lost, scarceness of protection, and rarity of hope for the future that I had believed was inches away from my fingers. Instructions of distance had hardened my heart, and I became lost in the world that I was ready to welcome with open arms.
I wondered for a while about how much I needed space before this pandemic had hit. If you know me personally, you'll know how much I stay within myself and how comfortable I am with being alone. I've also been open about my status and when my choices have either flourished or failed on me a number of times in the past, but had no idea how blurring the desire for space became. In a sense, I got what I asked for, to be in a space that was open enough for me to be free, but I still felt astray. Isolated. Lonely.
This dark understanding of silence kept me uneasy. As hyperbolic as it may sound, I felt trapped in my need for space.
So, I decided to simply do something about it. I wanted to reflect what I felt and had gone through not only recently, but consistently through all of my childhood. My grief, anger, resentment, intolerance, confusion, numbness. All of it into something that I had considered to be null and void.
Making this was no easy task, as I did not have a single page written for what I was feeling, but for what I was going to do. All that was missing was the act to execute and deliver. I wanted that message to be clear for myself before anything. To learn how to see where I was, how I was, and why I was the person for myself to be. I had done this to know myself.
I'm obviously still learning, but I am a firm believer in accepting the past and holding my individual self accountable for all decisions I've made. It isn't easy being honest, though the reward we give ourselves doing so is (ironically) space to grow.
My desire to create helped shape an understanding that transmutation is an answer.
I've been slowly studying Psychology to obtain something more than what resides within me and I've learned a lot within the past few months. Loneliness can rot well within your mind. It can affect you in times of being around others. It can be linked to dissatisfaction with those closest to you. Of course, loneliness can augment various harmful effects to your body and spirit.
The first step to solving a problem is to recognize that there is one. Once we've allowed ourselves to become aware of the situation around and within us, we can then identify what belongs where and how we can get back on our feet with steadiness.
Research articles and Information about loneliness, isolation, and its effects:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4985072/
https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/05/ce-corner-isolation
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6179015/
https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/chronic-loneliness#symptoms
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2021/02/young-adults-teens-loneliness-mental-health-coronavirus-covid-pandemic/
Books
Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto
Surrounded by Others and Yet So Alone: A Lawyer's Case Stories of Love, Loneliness, and Litigation by J. W. Freiberg
The Lonely City by Olivia Laing
Videos
The Science of Feeling Lonely: What You Need to Know: https://youtu.be/F3utpgoJaAk
Feeling Lonely? This Might Help: https://youtu.be/EfKbJA7HKkY
Isolation | Mind Field: https://youtu.be/iqKdEhx-dD4
The Art of Loneliness: https://youtu.be/hEUp-_LWY1o
Self-Isolation & Mental Health: https://youtu.be/4ntd_ojo7Eg
Loneliness and the Illusion of Connection: https://youtu.be/HD6l2jKwT6k
Music Playlist
(for those who are by their own and would like some sound to accompany them)
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLx3QyNMosJdz3UEFDbzFSpcDoH22ZDF50
*ADVISEMENT: IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE(S) ARE IN NEED OF ANY HELP, CONSULTING, OR ANY EMERGENCY, CONTACT YOUR PRIMARY CARE DOCTOR. CLICK HERE FOR ANY MORE RESOURCES.
Let's inform ourselves with an open and inquisitive mind, allow the help that is needed, search for acceptance of our world, and teach one another the importance of mental health. This is a subject that we all can sometimes brush off for professionals like psychologist, therapists, neurologists, and clinicians alike to handle, but I truly believe that acquiring the work accessible for viewing should be encouraged for future development to remain efficient and our present selves learn how to enjoy such emotional luxuries we dream of reaching. Instead of getting rid of that feeling, learning how to deal with loneliness compels the sense of connecting with ourselves, and thus, our connection to others. That, I see, would be a world that we can accept with open arms, regardless of the distance we have with each other now.
To donate for the work presented:
Venmo: @Kaws24
CashApp: $Kaws42
Any and all proceeds would be greatly appreciated as this was solely done by me and my partner, Kyra Akia Naomi Ferguson. Kyra has been a driving force in aiding and supporting my decision to create and has assisted in many forms that gave a level of clarity for me throughout the process. Without her, this would not be possible.
As an independent, freelancing artist, cultivating this was stressful and hellish, but rewarding and educational. My hope is that this was a well received and cohesive message that inspires you to start on what is important to shed light on.
